THIS WEEK I AM HAVING A HUGE IDENTITY CRISIS. I have no idea who I am, and what I am. I don't even know if I'm real, if I'm fat, if I'm skinny, pretty, ugly. I don't know anything. This whole crisis came at a bad time too, aka finals week. Tomorrow I have my last final, and then I'll be set free. But until then, I won't achieve any sort of happiness or relief. I'm very excited for winter break! I have my new holga lens for my camera, so I'll definitely put that to good use. Another random thought: I really want to be pretty. Is it bad of me to want that, and care for how I look? I do consider myself a feminist, because I do believe women should be free. I want freedom within myself horribly, but I can't seem to achieve that. Society binds me with a heavy rope, and I can't find the path to figuring myself out yet. I know what I like and what I want to be able to do. I want to write, dance, paint, write some more, kiss plenty of boys, get a new haircut, lose a couple of pounds. But if I were to do all of this, would I ever achieve a sense of freedom, happiness, and know exactly who I was? Maybe this is just teenage angst, but I'm very scared for the future, and overly scared for myself in today's society. Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about my past, who I aspire to be, and what I want from the future. So let's start with my past.
I always reflect on the time period of last year where I was obsessed with The Virgin Suicides. I remember holding that book in 8th grade across the halls, and everyone was giving me weird looks. This one girl even said "Why're you reading a book about suicidal virgins? Your life story? HEHEHEHAHAHAHOHOHOHO" Yes, it was my life story at the time, but it did give me a huge sense of comfort. After I read the book, I then proceeded to watch the movie. I wanted to live in the gloomy scenery and glistening, cluttered bedrooms of the Lisbon sisters forever. Fun fact: I took most interest in Cecilia's gloominess and hazy ways in the movie. I'm not to sure why, but I always took more interest in her, rather than Lux.
www.nakedlimbs.blogspot.com
I also read Ghost World whenever I reflect on last year. It's my all time favorite comic and one of my favorite movies.
And lastly, here are some random pictures that I take a lot of interest in. Reminds me of things and such. Lastly, there is someone added to my "I wish I was you: Bitchass lucky mutha fucka'" list! Her name is Caitlin. She is apart of the staff at rookie, and is amazing at making doodles, collages, rookie blog posts, zines, and about everything else.
She makes (amazing) patches too.
thestyleaviator.blogspot.com
Carrie
unknown
Frida Kahlo
Moonrise Kingdom
Style Rookie (want)
Petra Collins for Oyster
Amazing spring playlist by Tavi
Fun fact: I met this girl at the Rookie meetup. We got squashed at the Best Coast concert together and she was so sweet. Honestly her and her friends were perfect human beings. They had bloody tampon pins. I just found this picture on Rookie.
Rookie
Petra Collins for Oyster Magazine
Also, I expect someone to take me to Salvation Mountain ASAP.
Petra Collins and Tavi Gevinson for Rookie Mag
I mean honestly, look at how beautiful this place is!!!
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